Finding the person of your dream is certainly not an easy task. You might struggle to find your perfect match or hit the jackpot in one go. In any case, there are many important points to consider before deciding on your Mr. or Miss. right. It is very easy to get deceived by appearance or our love for that special someone, and end up in a relationship that we regret later. Take some time, understand, and be truthful with yourself before starting your desired love life. Establish some ground rules based on your needs and desires so that a healthy relationship can thrive. Monitor your date’s behavior and conversations, and learn about them and yourself in every meeting. It is always a good idea to know potential partner before establishing an emotional connection, to avoid heartbreaks and grief later. Remember that no one is perfect in real life, we are all imperfect in some way. you have to decide what you do can handle and what you want to work on together. Here are 6 things you should never ignore when dating:-
- How they treat others- It is likely that your date is very sweet and affectionate when with you as they are trying their best to get your attention and impress you. However notice them when they are in public, and react differently with their parents, service workers, and children when their guards are down and that is when their boundaries are crossed and their real identities are revealed. Do they behave as a know it all or a narcissist? Do they hurt or make fun of others in a way that is offensive? Do they have any superiority or inferiority complex? Are they people pleasers or have anger issues? Do they dismiss other people’s opinions in conversation? Don’t they respect other people’s time? What do they say about their exes? All of these traits are indicative of their true personality and can be easily hidden in the early stages of dating. Be aware, as sooner than later you will have to face the same kind of treatment from their side. But before you give up, gently raise your issue regarding their behavior and see what they have to say about it. Behavior doesn’t change over time without an effort. Decide whether you are willing to wait or move on, without catching many feelings.
- What they are do when they are crazy- Life is full of ups and downs. There are times when everything seems to work against you. People, situations, jobs, relationships, whatever. How your date handles anger is a big indicator of their attitude towards life. Are they someone who gets numb and avoid the whole scenario or someone who vents out their rage on everything and everyone in their path? Both are negative ways of dealing with unpleasant emotions, if they become unavailable when vulnerable they are most likely to suffer from trust issues and are reluctant to open up and if they are furiously mad at everything, they are not mature enough to deal with upsetting dynamics of life. But if they remain calm and look on the brighter side, it shows that they see the bigger picture and are responsible enough to mend and come out of any difficult situation. Also, look for any tendencies of a victim mentality as it indicates poor judgement of character or situation. Hobbies, exercising, friends and families, using humor, and seeking help are all positive ways to deal with anger issues.
- How they deal with disagreements, misunderstandings and criticism- There are many disagreements, misunderstandings and criticisms in relationships. You may want to do a certain activity and your date may want to do something entirely different. Due to our busy schedule, long-term reservations may be cancelled. How your date handles ‘no’ or disagreements is important to decide whether they are accepting of your choices in life or not. If they appear to snap or judge your choices, acting as pushovers they surely can’t stand different perspectives. In the face of misunderstanding if they are complaining about how you behaved rather than coming up with an agreeable solution for both of you, know that they are not willing to compromise for a healthy relationship to grow. Finally, if they can’t differentiate between positive and negative criticism and take negative criticism very personally and unconstructively, they might not have the ability to overcome and handle criticism to become a better version of themselves. This can also mean that the relationship can go awry when things fall apart.
- How are their friends like- Your environment and the people you mingle with shape who you are. Friends are those people who have been there with your special person and seen them grow, knows their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses. Your date’s friend circle reflect their social preferences and the type of people they like to hangout with. The actions, conversations, and jokes around your lover’s friends reveal how much they value their relationship and how serious or casual they are about various relationships in life. If their friends are welcoming, well-behaved, kind, gentle and generous, they will quickly become good friends with you and you will be comfortable being yourself around them. This means there will be less stress and more understanding and growth in your relationship. If their friends are superficial and are not open enough to know you, your date may not take the relationship seriously or talk about you as an important person in their life. Spending time with their friends will also make your bond stronger and closer as it will grow trust between you two.
- Are they looking for similar things in life and trying to know you- We often meet the right person with different dating-goals. You may be looking for something more casual and fun and want to take your own sweet time to let things develop whereas your special someone may be looking for a serious relationship and commitment. Maybe you like a person very much but not be able to give enough time due to career goals and your date might require your presence more than anything else. Or both of you might click very well initially but have nothing or very less similar things to share and attain in life. It is only when you try to know someone on a deeper level that you get to know their values and aspirations. You may enjoy to spend time with a person who is entirely different from you, but in the long run, common goals are always the driving force for successful relationships. A person who is not eager to get to know you better is surely not looking forward to having you in their life. As a couple find common goals that you enjoy working on together.
- How do you feel when you are with them- Love is necessary but not enough for a happy relationship. The way you feel about yourself with them, reflect how they see and treat you. If you feel stressed everytime you meet and try not to be your authentic self with them, it means that you aren’t happy or comfortable with that person. It may be possible that you are not able to openly put across your viewpoints, because you feel neglected. Excessive public display of affection, exaggeration, and love bombing can be signs of erratic, insecurity and controlling behavior. It is also necessary to feel safe and secure around them as it shows your trust in them. Are they trying to honor your feelings and respect your boundaries? If not, it can be a red flag where they will test your patience and character. This is strictly prohibited in any relationship. More importantly, do you feel ready for the relationship without any pressure? Your relationship should bring more happiness and grounding in your life. Choose wisely.
Remember building relationship takes time and effort. These are just some initial aspects of a relationship to consider before deciding if it’s worth investing in. Until you find your perfect partner, go out for as many dates as you like. Dating is a fun way to meet different people and make friends.
Talk openly without hurting the other person’s feelings and make the meeting interesting for both of you.